My PhD thesis consists of an autotheoretical memoir about being neurodivergent, non-binary and in the closet in Greek society, as well as a critical reflection section in which I analyse my research questions, literature, methodology, creative process, and conclusions.
I use a combination of creative and theoretical methodologies to process my own experiences in a self-reflexive and analytical manner. I achieve that through a dialogue with scholars, writers and artists who inspired my research and personal journey. I analyse my personal experiences, feelings, bodily sensations, interpersonal interaction and community participation through a self-reflexive lens. I use entries in personal diaries, photographs, and logs of conversations, to process my feelings and actions, and shed light on different elements of Greek millennial, non-binary, and neurodivergent life.
The memoir explores the coming-of-age of a non-binary person who suffers from OCD, within an upper-middle class Greek family, the process of hiding their gender identity in hostile social environments and strategically performing different identities in varying contexts.
The thesis of my research is that the choice to come out as a queer person does not happen in a vacuum, as it is affected and shaped by the individual’s cultural background, and choosing not to come out does not make someone less ‘queer’ or ‘radical’. In certain cultural settings, queer people have to make concessions and compromises in order to survive and make their lives livable, realizing that what Lauren Berlant calls ‘the good life’ cannot be achieved. I show that coming out is not a linear process, and might be met with reactions that exist beyond the binary of either acceptance or rejection, with which queer people might have to come to terms and make their peace. Sometimes, the choice to stay in the closet might even be characterized as an act of love towards loved ones with limited understanding of the modern concepts of gender and sexuality, and may be grounded on the need to preserve the peace within the family. This knowledge is essential if we want to accurately represent the lives and choices of queer people in non-Western, non-White-centric narratives.
